Karma cont.

So I thought it was about time I told someone.. about how I am feeling. Or what I am feeling. I confided in Alex. I mean, I love her to death. I have known her forever, and sure she does have a big mouth, but I don't think she'll spill the beans on this one. I really honestly trust her, and she was always my backup friend when I was with Ariel. Now she's the friend I hang with like everyday, she's the replacement. So I told her, and she listened. I thought it would make me feel better.. but it didn't. It didn't help telling anyone. It doesn't help blogging. I feel a terrible loss, and I know I shouldn't.
It's not like I think about it every second, but I think about it everyday. The hardest part is ignoring her, and I wish I didn't have to. We don't talk. If she made the move I would, but she hasn't. In fact, the total opposite. She talks about me. I also discovered she has a nickname for me. Horseface. I mean is that the best she can do? To be honest, she is ugly. She is fat, has a huge nose, but her personality is amazing. I mean I could call her worst names, I really could. I just don't, can't. I miss her so much, I just wish I could erase the fight. Wish I could go back in time.
But I can't. Wishing won't get me anywhere, and dreams don't come true. I mean she was annoying, REALLY annoying. But she was also fun, really fun. She talks about me. I don't know how to take that, because we were bestfriends. She makes fun of me, but that doesn't really offend me, because it's not direct. It's behind my back, to my friends.
Scratch what I said before, about wishing to go back. You can't go back. The only thing I truely wish for, is to know how she feels. If she feels anything, that is.
Karma hasn't bitten me lately, thank god. In fact, I made more new friends. Friends of friends. Yeah, so I'm off to a good.. life?