Trust

Remember my fight with Ariel? I was miserable. I wanted to erase everything, because she was the only person I really could open up to. She didn't really listen, or didn't seem like she was, but she recalls almost everything when I talk to her now. She remembers, so she had to listen.
Some things that urk me about her.. well.. she talks about her family a lot. I mean A LOT. Everyday she's talking about her Dad and his kids, her Mom breaking up with her Step Dad, and now she's even developed an attitude. Like the other day Alex S. said "Oh so today you're talking about your Dad? Or Step Dad?" and her response was "My Dad. NOT my Step Dad," and she made the nastiest sternist most hatred face. She was so cold about it that even I got the chills! Of course, I said nothing, ate my sandwhich.
So that's how it's been. For me, at lunch. Everyday Ariel is mad at someone. Everyday Ariel is in a fight with someone. Everyday Ariel is talking about someone. Everyday you hear about "Oh cousin Michael is in rehab. Yeah, he said he was gonna kill himself," or "Oh my Dad is coming to town this weekend. I'm stoked!" which REALLY bugs me.
But do you WANT to know what bugs me the MOST? That the second I say one single word, ONE WORD, about someone else, even though she "has the right" to blab on about anyone SHE WANTS, apparently she also "has the right to tell that person I'm talking about them."
So before I know it, Maria hates me. For one word. Would you like to know what I even said? I said "I don't think I'm gonna invite Maria to my party," so not one word, one sentence, but whatever. So now I can't stand Maria. She's soooo immature! I mean HELLO? Like she ignores me out of NOWHERE! Wtf? And she has these awful attitudes that bug me. She thinks she's sooooo much better then everyone else "Oh he likes me!" or "Oh sorry, he's ALL OVER ME!" could someone get on my nerves MORE THAN HER??
So I've been thinking about showing this diary to my friend Alex. She's definetely worthy of reading this, and she's never done anything wrong by me. Sure I tell her some stuff, and she kinda has a big mouth, like I've heard her tell Ariel stuff I said and I've heard her tell Maria stuff, and this stuff I only told to her, so I know it's her. Anyways.. I think I should show someone. It didn't take away any struggles or pains or anything writing it, but maybe if someone understands.. you know?
It's weird how one minute you can be friends, then this major fight, then it's weird because someone steps up to resolve the fight, you think the friendship will fail, you're friends again, but yet.. [and yes, I am referring to Ariel] I get this strange strange feeling, deep down, that there's something more. I want to talk to her about it, but I don't know quite what I feel.. like she's gonna turn on me?
I hate Maria though, I think Ariel is making a HUGE mistake in being bestfriends with her. I know Maria talks about me. Alright, so next weekened.. I'll be devoted to hanging out with Ariel. Figure out what's REALLY going on.

Replenish

So I have replenished this diary. Isn't it gorgeous? Of course! Well I hope everyone likes it [haha, retorical!]. Yeah, I know, dark humor. Not really? Okay well love you all [again, meaning me!]. And have a wonderful evening [myself, AGAIN!].

Refresh

As the title says, this is what I feel. After taking a LONG break from this blog, I am back. I figured it's a diary. Not blog, diary. Because a blog is something people look at. I feel absolutely positively refreshed. Not really, I wish, but you get the point.
So let's start with my kittens. They are the sweetest cherries ever! Haha, little sweet hearts they ARE! Sure nobody but me sees them [for their strong lack of comprehending the words, come out for my people BESIDES me!].
So sure I pretend to be who I am not sometimes. But I would rather be hated and disliked for who I am. Honestly. I mean really truly. Because SURE, I would LOVE to be beautiful and gorgeous and have size DD boobs. But guess what? Yeah, you got it, I DON'T.
At least I can admit things though.
Maybe I AM expressing a lot of anger right now. The only person I have to blame is myself. Getting all wrapped up in fantasy worlds of being gorgeous. And NO, I am NOT eight years old.. maybe that's what bugs me the most.
I have created a mess. For security reasons, I suppose. Or maybe because I hate myself? I'm not admitting to that, because I don't know if I hate myself.. but maybe I do?
I mean come on! My name is NOT Chelsea, NOT Gia. Nope. Nadda. Goose eggs!
The one place I finally give out my true name, I give out the WRONG picture. Yeah sure, I say it's me. Guess what? IT'S NOT! Ooooh. Shocker.
So maybe this is a sign of self hatred? Could I hate myself? Is that possible?
Well maybe if you were ugly like me.. with hair that is being lossed. No well.. I used to lose my hair. Mhm. Yeah so it's like really thin and nasty. Yeah. And then freckles.. a lot.
Let's face it, I'm decent. Not pretty, gorgeous, sexy. Maybe decent. GREAT body. I mean GREAT, EXCELLENT, like total model material. Then neck and up is awful. Oh and skin color too.. pale. But neck and up ruins it. And skin.. a little. My skin is okay.. I guess.
I wish someone would read this. One anonymous person, like pen pal. I would post my picture, a real one. They would rate it. End of story. Then I could get an honest opinion, and then I could ask them why.. figure out things to improve. You know? Oh wait, you don't know. I'm talking to myself.

Hope

Ever heard the song throw it in the bag? Yeah, well today is a day I feel like doing that, but with my life. I mean, I should be happy. I won this huge award I have been waiting for all year, I made first place in Regionals, and now I'm going to States in April and everything, I was really having an excellent day. I had so many emotions, nervous nervous nervous, the awards ceremony, and then they announced my name, and I mean it was total shock. I was.. well what I felt was totally amazing penetrating total shock, like you wouldn't believe it. And I'm going to States! Omg!
When they were announcing I was totally doubting myself, my amazing abilities that I never even knew I had. And as for what I was competing for? Well I'm in an organization called HOSA, it's in the healthcare. I want to be a nurse. Well anyways, I did this competition for writing, and I'm in seventh grade! How did I win? I mean OMG!
So I was competing against my best friend, Ariel. She was bragging about how good hers was, and it did honestly sound excellent. But it totally made me doubt myself. And get nervous like crazy! Ariel and I were the only seventh graders, the rest were from eighth grade. I was freaking out! I was thinking I would be lucky to get fifth.
BUT FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?!?

-An obviously still shocked, Gia

Respect

Today, I learned a lesson. Everyday I learn a lesson, but today I learned a useful lesson. A life lesson. An essential lesson. I learned respecting others is important. Of course I had heard this, I had heard respect others belongings and what not. From teachers, of course. But today I learned this. I realized why. You have the freedom to give your opinions, but you have no right to judge people. No matter what situation they are in, their relation to you, or anything. You shouldn't judge people, period. It's just not right to go about saying things either.
But, why respect? Well, sometimes people have more power over you. As controlling as I am, I hate that. But I needed to learn to respect that. And today, I did. How? I'm not sure exactly. I guess I realized I'm young, and people have authority over me. I need to respect that.
How does this apply to my life? Well the next time my friend asks me what I think about their relationship with their boyfriend, I will give my opinion. I won't butt into their life and tell them what to do. Even if I butt in and then say that's my opinion, soooo not happening. I need to respect others.
And don't take this the wrong way. I always have respected others, but today I just realized I need to keep up the good work. It will take me far, I'll see someday. For the future is still to come. But, I need to think of now, because you cannot predict the future. No matter how technologically enhanced this nation as a whole becomes, we cannot predict the future by any means. The future is yet to come.