Conflict

To every good story, there's conflict. Of course, the story I am relating to, is my life. My life & my struggles. Of course, these days, there is more struggling than it's even worth. But if all this drama, if I really hate it, why am I still friends with these people? Well guess what? There's always drama. So either way, it's gonna end up happening. So, the real question is, be popular or not? & obviously, I chose to be. & that's how it will be. So I need to STOP complaining about ALL this crap going on, and just take it. Just suck it up. However, I will still write this. Somehow, I'm starting to find it helping. I used to think I should tell someone how I feel. Now I just think I can write about it on this, and I can! Now I can keep it in, instead of having to trust someone. Because, obviously, there's nobody to trust these days.
I'm starting to think me & Ariel's friendship is more of the phrase "keep your friends close, but your ENEMIES closer." I mean really, because right now I feel like we're not connecting. I feel like she's using me somehow. So guess what? I'm going to blackmail her. Sure it sounds awful.. but if we ever fight again, at least I'll be prepared. I figure I should bottle everything up & not tell her, while trying to get her to tell me everything. So I'll sit there & listen for juicy details to use against her. PERFECT! I'll act like her bestfriend, but say nothing in return. Of course it's not a fair trade off, so I'll have to make up "family problems," to get her to say more. To get more.
I know she tells Maria stuff I say. So there's not point in talking about Maria to Ariel, and Alex does the same thing. But there's not really a point in talking about Maria anymore, because she said she wants "to be friends." Of course I don't want to be her friend! Of course I get the feeling she's just gonna use me for something! Of course I think it's about my party! OF COURSE SHE ISN'T GETTING AN INVITE! Ugh. Ugh! & the worst thing is, I was just thinking about her phone call yesterday. I think I was on speaker. & I remember asking "why she suddenly wanted to be friends," and I think I heard Ariel in the background say "say because you missed her!" and of course that's what Maria said. Of course Ariel was there, because Maria told me, but did Ariel say that? Did Ariel want us to be friends? Why? After all I said about Maria.. why? & I'm sure Maria said stuff about me. & I'm sure Maria doesn't know I was talking about her, but when she does she'll probably ignore me like an idiot, after my party, or something ridiculous. So that's why she won't get a precious all exclusive invite. TO MY PARTY.
Today I was sitting at lunch before Maria got there, btw I WAS trying to avoid Maria today. FYI, I don't even want to be friends, I said I did because I just want a treuce. I don't like fighting much. Of course I enjoyed talking about Maria, to sort out my thoughts, and because I didn't give a crap since it's totally obvious I don't want to be her friend. Anyways, at lunch before Maria got there Ariel asked "what did you say? Do you even want to be her friend?" So obviously Ariel was there, so she kind of trapped her self, because I know she knows I said I did want to be friends with Maria, which is half lying. Because I want a treuce. But the part about wanting to be her friend? I just said idk real quick & then Maria got there. I won't tell Ariel the truth, because I know Maria's behind this. & even if she isn't, Ariel will just tell her. Ugh!
So obviously to every good story there's conflict. In my story, there's tons. The reason? There's just no one to trust anymore, because this is like a fight for high school survival, and the games have only just begun.