Refresh

As the title says, this is what I feel. After taking a LONG break from this blog, I am back. I figured it's a diary. Not blog, diary. Because a blog is something people look at. I feel absolutely positively refreshed. Not really, I wish, but you get the point.
So let's start with my kittens. They are the sweetest cherries ever! Haha, little sweet hearts they ARE! Sure nobody but me sees them [for their strong lack of comprehending the words, come out for my people BESIDES me!].
So sure I pretend to be who I am not sometimes. But I would rather be hated and disliked for who I am. Honestly. I mean really truly. Because SURE, I would LOVE to be beautiful and gorgeous and have size DD boobs. But guess what? Yeah, you got it, I DON'T.
At least I can admit things though.
Maybe I AM expressing a lot of anger right now. The only person I have to blame is myself. Getting all wrapped up in fantasy worlds of being gorgeous. And NO, I am NOT eight years old.. maybe that's what bugs me the most.
I have created a mess. For security reasons, I suppose. Or maybe because I hate myself? I'm not admitting to that, because I don't know if I hate myself.. but maybe I do?
I mean come on! My name is NOT Chelsea, NOT Gia. Nope. Nadda. Goose eggs!
The one place I finally give out my true name, I give out the WRONG picture. Yeah sure, I say it's me. Guess what? IT'S NOT! Ooooh. Shocker.
So maybe this is a sign of self hatred? Could I hate myself? Is that possible?
Well maybe if you were ugly like me.. with hair that is being lossed. No well.. I used to lose my hair. Mhm. Yeah so it's like really thin and nasty. Yeah. And then freckles.. a lot.
Let's face it, I'm decent. Not pretty, gorgeous, sexy. Maybe decent. GREAT body. I mean GREAT, EXCELLENT, like total model material. Then neck and up is awful. Oh and skin color too.. pale. But neck and up ruins it. And skin.. a little. My skin is okay.. I guess.
I wish someone would read this. One anonymous person, like pen pal. I would post my picture, a real one. They would rate it. End of story. Then I could get an honest opinion, and then I could ask them why.. figure out things to improve. You know? Oh wait, you don't know. I'm talking to myself.